I know now that the reason I can be so complacent about my health is that I really just believe that everything is going to be alright.  None of the bad stuff that happens to other people will happen to me.  Somehow, someway, I’m going to be alright. 

Once I was honest about the fact that I felt that way, I began to see a very disturbing reality.  If I continue down this path of a sedentary lifestyle, eating whatever I feel like, it will kill me.  I’ll die of cancer, heart disease, or heart attack.  And if none of those manage to get me, the last 20 years of my life will be miserable.  This is not a "worst case scenario", this is what happens every day to people.  And it has nothing to do with not having faith in God.

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If you’re more concerned with the color of your bumper than the state of your soul…..you might be religious.

If you’re offended by happy preachers….you might be religious

If you read your bible more than you talk to God……you really might be religious.

And finally, if you need to justify having a good time by quoting scripture……you might be religious.

It’s interesting how every circumstance throughout the day can be a learning experience when I open my ears to what God is asking me.  Times where I used to just get frustrated and forget about it now serve as another avenue into a part of me that he wants to heal.  People that I have to deal with that have always brought out the worst in me now become helpers to this wonderful journey of relearning what it means to walk with God. 
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I’m starting to realize that I’ll never become the person I’ve always wanted to be.  The patient, understanding, and gentle person I’ve always wanted to see in the mirror will never exist.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t be that person.  I’m learning that when I’m in the presence of God, the fruit of the Spirit multiply whatever patience and gentleness I already have.  Step outside of that and it’s back to the old me.  And that’s the way it is.  Try as I might, I can’t become that person because that involves a change of the heart, and I can’t do that no matter how hard I try. I can act like that person but it won’t be genuine. 

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I think that the way that we do church today makes it harder for us to understand how integrated God wants to be with every part of our lives.

Lately I’ve been thinking about what relationship with God really means. How are we to interact with him? When are we to talk to him and how are we to do it? How does my life here on earth interface with a supernatural being that I can’t see?

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I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to think that there’s a lot of people like me that suffer from a fear of being selfish. So much so that we can’t really experience the love of God because we fear that it’s wrong to experience something so intensely focused on us. I realized this today at work.

I was just sitting there listening to "More Than A Friend" off of my favorite album right now by Jeremy Riddle. The words and the melody of the song were hitting me deep, right there at my job. At that moment I felt so validated, so complete. But my only thought was "I have to find a way to show other people that this is possible." As I followed that train of thought, I found myself getting frustrated because I realized how futile it is to explain something like that to someone who isn’t looking for it.

Suddenly I felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit inside me. "Let this be just for you."

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From the time I started learning guitar, I thought I wanted to live the life of a professional musician. I realize now that what I wanted more than that was the validation and affirmation of being famous and loved by all. To be considered special by my fans, to be thought of as "one of the best". I spent countless hours practicing guitar because I had a point to prove. I was going to be the best anyone had ever seen. Funny even as I write this I remember a time when it wasn’t just about music.

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After 30 years of prodding by first my mother, then college roomates, and more recently my wife, I have finally discovered a reason to convert from a slob to a neat-freak. I have never been someone who could keep from piling up stacks of clothes, books, magazines and other random crap around my office, bedroom, or let’s be honest, anywhere that I spend more than an hour a day. I seemed to have a fairly high tolerance for disorder and messiness, even though it drove me crazy to have
things messy and out of order. Once in a while, if my tolerance was running low, and I had some free time, I would clean everything. I couldn’t just clean a little, I had to do every single thing.

After being married for 4 years, I had pretty much made up my mind that Lori was just a neater person than I was, and again, my tolerance for dirty dishes, and piled up laundry was higher than hers. My main reason for cleaning was simply to keep her happy, because often I felt like I was doing it when it was unnecessary.

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In our largely materialistic culture, there’s a real drive to own more and more stuff. Houses, cars, pools, spas, decks, HDTVs, mowers, jetski’s. The list could go on a very long time. Maybe some of it stems from our fear of boredom, or a sense of entitlement that comes with never being taught how to work hard. In the end, it doesn’t matter. The fact is that ownership of stuff presents a paradox best summed up by this line from the movie "Fight Club"

The things you own end up owning you.

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