As Lori and I have been working towards completing our remodeling job here at the house, I’ve often felt anxious over scheduling of the different people we have doing different parts of the job. I’ve had a hard time nailing down concrete dates for much of this project, and this has caused some stress. I suppose that this is normal, but lately I’m realizing that I must really guard my spirit against feelings of despair.
Despair as I understand it is the feeling of impending doom. A fear of the unknown, of the worst possible scenario. It is a sinking feeling that will keep you from sleeping, and occasionally from eating. I’ve struggled with this my whole life. At times I think it might have been depression, but regardless of the cause, I’m convinced now more than ever that I must confront feelings of despair with nothing less than righteous anger.
Despair will mess up your whole life, rendering you helpless to function in even the most basic ways. I believe that despair is rooted in fear. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that God has not given us a spirit of fear. It says so in the bible. I also struggle with fear a lot too. Lori travels around the world as part of her job, and I often struggle with not thinking about the worst things that could happen as she travels.
The thing about it is, being anxious, being worried, and being full of despair does absolutely nothing to change anything. It drags you down to the point where you’re scared to leave the house, to feel like you must always be in constant contact with those you love to make sure nothing bad happens to them.
Laying our cares upon the Lord is a wholly unnatural thing for us to do. But it’s the only thing that will bring us peace. Despair has robbed me of too many hours of sleep. And I love sleep.