I used to be obsessed with being right. Being right about the bible, being right about the existence of God, and most of all, being right about proving all the godless unbelievers wrong who dared question my beliefs. A funny thing happened though…. I started to experience the love of the God I had tried so hard to defend. And I stopped caring about being right.
You see, when I saw God as a distant figure, up in Heaven waiting for me to earn my way into his paradise, I felt like I had to defend that he existed because all I felt between me and Him was distance. I saw obligation. He was something that needed proving, defending.
But when I began to actually experience him, I couldn’t find words to prove that it was right. It seemed pointless to try and prove that this was real. It’s the difference between showing a picture of your wife to someone and trying to prove you’re married to her, and looking into her eyes and seeing that you are. One is distant and disconnected, and might even look contrived. The other is sincere, heart-felt, and real.
I still find apologetics interesting. I still believe that God’s principles have very beneficial application even outside the church. I still believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was done in accordance with Hebrew law, and even more so, I still think that the need for salvation is a clear, cogent argument. But if someone doesn’t believe that, what I experience now might be the most convincing thing I could show them.
And I can’t even find words for it.